I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
