I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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