Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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