At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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