my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
