dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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