i will never coherently bang her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Let's paint friendship bongs
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
