i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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