I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
