YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize