how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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