It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
