I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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