Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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