saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
