Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
