im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm like, not good at living.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
