Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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