its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
