She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
