i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize