You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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