eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize