dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
