that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
