I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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