We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
