i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
