we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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