i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
