You smell like stripper and shame
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
