Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
