sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
