It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
