my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
