All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
