3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
