Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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