My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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