you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
