i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
