benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
