dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
