Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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