we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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