Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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