Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize