Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
