my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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