New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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