Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The ass gains better be worth it
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