and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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