I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
