Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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