Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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