Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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