he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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