maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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