not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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