dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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