I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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