Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
