I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
